Thursday, 8 May 2014

Dear Baby

Dear Baby,

We are getting closer and closer to your arrival day and I’m feeling a mixture of absolute excitement and pure panic.  I watched you last night as you did summersaults around my insides and I tried to picture your face and imagine your personality.  I still find it hard to believe that you are actually in there, living and growing.  You are so incredibly strong – sometimes I try and tickle you when you are stretching out and your little foot or head comes bulging out of my side.  I’m not sure you find it amusing, but you kick back with quite a bit of force.  I like that about you.  It makes me think you'll have gumption - I think that's a great quality.

Nine weeks is not very long at all.   I keep catching sight of myself in the mirror and I cannot actually believe the changes I have undergone over the past few months.  I try not to get worried or anxious over the way I look (as pregnancy is not very kind to a woman's body), but then you start bopping about and I laugh and realise it doesn't really matter if I look like I did a year ago.  These changes are important.  Not just the physical changes, but the mental and emotional changes as well.  It’s amazing how your perspective changes because a baby – you – are on the way.  It’s amazing that the things which I once thought were important are now irrelevant.  I can't stay up until 10:00 marking essays because I'm just too exhausted.  Some nights I need to sit in a bubble bath for an hour to make the back pain go away.  All of those things which used to worry me or stress me out don't really matter any more - looking after you is my number one priority.  

I told your Daddy the other night that after all of these changes - I don’t feel like me anymore.  It’s taken me awhile to get it, but I think that’s the way it should be.  I’m not meant to be the same person I always was.  I’m stepping into a whole new role as “mummy” or “mommy” or “mama” or whatever you decide to call me.  I can’t be the same person because that person was meant to be the foundation of a new version of me.  I have no idea who I’ll be in two or three months time – you will make me into that mother that I’ll become.  The uncertainty is scary, but also pretty amazing.

As frightening as this whole process is, I know that in the end we are going to have someone amazing joining our little family.  You have no idea how brilliant your Dad is.  He is clever and hard working.  It never fails to amaze me just how much he knows - he's a fountain of knowledge, just like my dad is.  He's going to be the dad that you can ask anything of.  He'll always know of be able to fix it.  I can't wait to watch the two of you playing and running around, causing all sorts of mayhem (don't forget - you can't gang up on me as I've provided a lovely and comfortable house for you for nine months!).

It's going to be nice to put a face to the kicks and turns and movement.  A face and a name.  We know what your name is, but no one else does.  Hopefully you love it as much as we do.  I'm so excited to actually have you in my arms and see what we managed to create.  I promise, the home you are coming to live in is full of life and love, and your nursery is AMAZING in comparison to the dark womb you've been hanging out in.  I hope you like it - it was designed especially for you.  (The pom poms were my idea, regardless of what Daddy says)

In all honesty, I have no idea what to expect when you arrive.  I don't think you can predict what life will be like.  But I'll tell you one thing I do know - life with you is going to be exciting and complete.

I can't wait.

Me xx

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