Monday, 29 September 2014

Dear baby,

Dear Baby,

Friday was a really sad day. You wouldn't have known it because it seemed like every other day. 

And then we sent those balloons up to the sky. Do you know why we did that?  

A year ago we lost my Grandma - your Great Grandma. It's sad because she never got to see you - she never even got to know you were on your way. 

She had cancer but in the end it wasn't the cancer that won. She won. She was just tired of fighting and ready to rest. She had a kick ass life, and she was ready to join her little boy (my Uncle Jim and your second cousin James' granddad) in heaven. 

The other day you were looking at me and I was crying.  I saw this advert and it made me wonder if she would still be here had a cure been found and cancer had been made to pay. I hope to God that in your lifetime we finally win the war rather than these small victories we currently fight for. 

It makes me remember all of the wonderful people we have lost too soon. Grandma, your Great Auntie Jill,  Great Uncle Jim and Great Uncle Bill.  There are so many more, but they are the family I remember and miss.  You never got to meet Auntie Jill - but she so badly wanted to meet you. 

I'm sad because I wish Grandma could see me as a mom. I'm not sure she  would have ever imagined this for me. I'd like her to see it - she'd laugh at my panic and anxiety - but she'd admit that you're pretty darn fantastic. 

The thing I always loved about her was her blatant honesty. She told the truth and not many people tell the truth so readily nowadays. 

She was strong and stubborn and told it like it was. She was the first to give you her opinion and it was the only right opinion. She knew everyone and everything (how did she know everything?!) She loved her family unconditionally. She left such an imprint upon all of us. 

I wish you could have known her. Her name was Emma too - just like you. I know you're only little, but I already see her fierce personality in you.  Coincidence?  Probably not.

I miss her. 
I hope she gets our balloons. 


Wednesday, 17 September 2014

2 Months!

How Old:   2 Months!
Weight: 8 pounds
Likes:   The moby wrap, tickles on the nose, stretching, white noise, cuddles with grandparents, lights- especially the colour flashing cat on her play gym.
Dislikes:  Baths, sleep, being put down during naps (how dare I??), the car seat, injections!!
Eating:  Still breastfeeding every three hours, although we can often go longer at night. We tried formula a few times just to see if it settled her any more and Emma threw up ALL NIGHT LONG. Soy formula seems to be a bit more gentle on her stomach, but she's still quite pukey if she has it!  She's also a Tommy Tippee bottle fan (and how cute are her pink London bus bottles) and refuses anything else. 
Sleeping:  She's certainly better at night than she is during the day. At night we have to wake up two or three times for feeds. She *tends* to go back to sleep after a feed with the swaddle and white noise. I'll be honest, I thought feeding was our demon.  Nope.  Sleep is the nightmare we are struggling with at the minute.  Daytime naps?  She is not a fan unless held or in moby wrap.   Don't get me started..... I know breastfed babies wake more often, but Emma rarely seems settled enough to sleep at all - she wakes as soon as you set her down and she only tends to get 20-30 minutes before waking and needing comforting.  Any advice (or Baby Whisperers) would be appreciated.  
Routine:  Eat, play sleep- repeat - she's virtually clockwork. The toughest part of the routine is going to sleep. She tends to scream the house down when she is tired - she hasn't learnt how to drift off on her own yet. See above.
Sizes:  Hooray for 0-3 month clothes! We finally grew out of newborn, although size 2 nappies are still HUGE. She is SO long and narrow - it certainly makes clothing difficult. She seems to fit into American clothes much better than the English clothes (long and narrow). I can't wait to scope out the Carter's clothes when we get to America - I have my heart set on this spooky number.
Milestones:  Smiles!!! They are the cutest, sweetest things!!  She's also able to follow you, moving both of her eyes and her head. She's cooing - plenty of adorable sounds coming from her!
Mum's favourite moment:  We went to London to register Emma as an American citizen (how jammy is she with her two passports?) and had a family day in the big city. I feel like we hardly ever get days together but it was just perfect. Emma was with me in the moby wrap for most of the day and we walked up the Thames River Path to the Tower of London. It was just gorgeous outside - a really beautiful, family day. 
Dad's favourite moment:  The other night Emma woke up in her cradle and B got up to change her and pass her over to me for her night feed (bless him). He unswaddled her from her new swaddle (she outgrew the other ones as she's so long!) and she reached out her little arms and grabbed onto the bar of the cradle.  B tried to lift her out, but she wouldn't let go.  She was crying and clinging on for dear life!  We found it hilarious - she didn't think it was so funny.

At the Tower of London!

And what about Mum?
Weight loss:  10 pounds to go!
Clothes: I wish my shoes would fit - I'm still rocking swollen feet and hands. Maternity skinny jeans and vest tops are also my uniform, but I'm in desperate need of some new clothes.  Sure.  I'll be the typical mom in tank tops and yoga pants.  I've actually given up caring.  Everything is fashionably dotted with baby puke and I just want to be comfortable. Yoga pants are tres chic.  They are.
Stretch Marks:  Still there but actually looking less violent! I've started to use the Nivea Q10 firming lotion and oil. It's still early days, but I detect a difference. 
Belly Button:  A bit wobbly. Hey. There's no way I'm going to have stellar abs any time soon. That's ok though - there's a Baby exercise class tomorrow - we are going.  
Sleep:   5 hours a night?  Maybe?? We have been adamant that she needs to sleep in her cradle instead of the Mamaroo so we are getting shorter sessions of sleep.  Like I said - sleep is our demon right now.  
Looking forward to:  I've got my sights set on Halloween!  Even though it's utter rubbish here in in the UK, I'm campaigning for a costume get together to watch Hocus Pocus and enjoy festive snacks. Besides - it's Emma's first Halloween - I'm not missing out my first chance to dress her up!

This is what our days look like:
Happy Emma................................................Grumpy Emma

She *loves* the Moby wrap, not to mention the play gym with the super fun cat light.

And although these moments are rare, I managed to catch my two favourite people catching some Zzzzzzzzzzs.