Monday, 29 September 2014

Dear baby,

Dear Baby,

Friday was a really sad day. You wouldn't have known it because it seemed like every other day. 

And then we sent those balloons up to the sky. Do you know why we did that?  

A year ago we lost my Grandma - your Great Grandma. It's sad because she never got to see you - she never even got to know you were on your way. 

She had cancer but in the end it wasn't the cancer that won. She won. She was just tired of fighting and ready to rest. She had a kick ass life, and she was ready to join her little boy (my Uncle Jim and your second cousin James' granddad) in heaven. 

The other day you were looking at me and I was crying.  I saw this advert and it made me wonder if she would still be here had a cure been found and cancer had been made to pay. I hope to God that in your lifetime we finally win the war rather than these small victories we currently fight for. 

It makes me remember all of the wonderful people we have lost too soon. Grandma, your Great Auntie Jill,  Great Uncle Jim and Great Uncle Bill.  There are so many more, but they are the family I remember and miss.  You never got to meet Auntie Jill - but she so badly wanted to meet you. 

I'm sad because I wish Grandma could see me as a mom. I'm not sure she  would have ever imagined this for me. I'd like her to see it - she'd laugh at my panic and anxiety - but she'd admit that you're pretty darn fantastic. 

The thing I always loved about her was her blatant honesty. She told the truth and not many people tell the truth so readily nowadays. 

She was strong and stubborn and told it like it was. She was the first to give you her opinion and it was the only right opinion. She knew everyone and everything (how did she know everything?!) She loved her family unconditionally. She left such an imprint upon all of us. 

I wish you could have known her. Her name was Emma too - just like you. I know you're only little, but I already see her fierce personality in you.  Coincidence?  Probably not.

I miss her. 
I hope she gets our balloons. 


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