Sunday, 2 February 2014

Dear Baby

Dear Baby,

It feels strange writing this because I've been thinking all of these things, but never said them out loud. I don't think you can hear my thoughts (that's a good thing though) so I wanted to write them down here.

This idea of being a mother terrifies me. I'm going to be 30 a few weeks after you are born, and I still feel like I'm too young to be a parent. Most people I know are onto their second or third baby - in the grand scheme of things, B and I are pretty old for first time parents. 

I'm sure everyone gets this feeling of panic. I'm going to be responsible for a little human being? How am I going to know what to do?  Why is everyone else so much younger than me (my kid is going to be friends with someone whose parents are more than ten years younger than me!)? What if I make a mistake? I know that you are exactly what we want. But that doesn't make it less scary. 

Whenever I'm worried, I focus on you and us and our little family. I don't know what kind of a mom I'll be, but I know what kind of mom I want to be. 

I'm going to be the mom who bakes. My mom and grandma taught me how, and I'm going to show you everything I know.  We will bake cookies at Christmas and cupcakes on a rainy day.  We will bake blueberry pie in the summer and rosemary cookies when we fancy a snack.  I promise I will write all of the recipes down so that you can make them if I'm unable to help you. 

I'm going to be the mom who sits with you while you do your homework.  I'm a teacher and I put a lot of time and effort into my students. You will be no exception.   I love the idea of helping you as you learn and explore new things.

I'm going to be the mom who reads to you. Every night. We will read together, you will read to me, we will read side by side.  We will go to book shops (if they aren't a thing of the past) and a book is always a gift you can take home.   So many kids tell me they hate reading or they never read with their parents.  I think my fondest memories of childhood involve reading books with my dad - especially A Woggle of Witches or Watch out for Chicken Feet in your Soup.

We will eat as a family, we will go on outings as a family, and you will know the importance of family. Family is not an option, nor is it a sentence. I've been lucky enough to be a part of a family where we loved, shared and enjoyed being together. Your Auntie Erin and Uncle Brian are still two of my best friends - I would do anything for them and I know they would do the same for me, you and Daddy. Grandma and Grandad US and UK are the same.  It doesn't matter what country we live in, you are loved by people across a sea. Family is imperative. 

We will have pudding and there will be chocolate or cookies in the house.  I'm not going to ban you from eating things, but I will always make sure we have blueberry or strawberries or other fruits and vegetables that you love. Food will be fun and tasty - I promise you that.   I don't care if you want to sit and eat the whole carton of raspberries the day we buy it.  They are good.  Eat them!

I'm going to support you in anything you choose to persue. If it's illegal, B and I will intervene (sorry, but rules are rules). I'll be a soccer mom, football mom, ballet mom, band mom - you name it. I'll be there and I'll be cheering you on with B. Just get involved in something and we will be there.

I promise I won't dress you up in hideous clothes. If you look back at photos and wonder what we were thinking - I do apologise. Trust me - they were cute in 2014.  I like to think I dress in a classic way, so I'll do my best to give you timeless clothes.  And when you want to try on my high heels or lipstick (even if you are a boy), I will love you for wanting to be a grown up.

I hope you have my stubbornness - it's shown me how to stand up for what I believe in. I hope you have my determination, because it showed me opportunities are endless. If I could pick up and move to another country, you can do anything. I hope you have your Daddy's motivation - he's a fighter and so will you be and I hope you have his sense of serenity. He keeps calm - you need to too!  

You have no idea how much I've dreamt of you and how in love with you I already am. Most importantly, I promise to love, trust, cherish, value and appreciate you

And when you look at all of this, everything I have written, I'm not sure I should be terrified. I was raised by great parents, and as long as I use the tools they gave me, I - and we - will all be fine. I know the mom I want to be, and it's not too different from the person I am today. I can't wait to meet you and actually take on the role of "mom."  Until then...

Love always,


  1. Love this, Jenn. There is no doubt in my mind that you will be a fabulous parent :)

  2. Thanks, Jenn! I hope I get to be a mum in America surrounded by such great parent-friends! xx

  3. This is great Jen. You are going to be a wonderful, warm, natural mom. I think a 'baking' mom is exactly what a mom should be. And a rering mom. I spent hours reading to mine and I didn't waste a moment.